Welcome to the AT Feed, a satirical mash-up of current climate news headlines, exaggerated AI interpretation, and pen-to-paper hand drawing. 

(Almost) everything you need to know about current environmental news is (basically) here.

BBC  

  CBS News  

  CNBC

Fox News

Grist  

The Hill   

The Guardian

The Hill

  Inside Climate News

Los Angeles Times

National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA)  

  The New York Times

NPR

Politico

Science Daily

Yale Environment 360



June 25, 2024 [Summer pilot, test 2]

Charlie Sheen and Chimps: Unlikely Heroes in the Climate Fight


In a universe brimming with remarkable events and mind-boggling discoveries, the latest news offers a veritable feast for the senses. From planets that reek of rotten eggs to rhinos receiving IVF help from their zoo cousins, it's clear that reality has taken a delightful detour into the absurd. Are animals becoming conscious? New research suggests yes, and our hairy cousins are leading the charge. Meanwhile, humans are embroiled in their own battles—against climate change, tropical diseases, and the ever-looming threat of global heating.

Hollywood star Charlie Sheen has unexpectedly emerged as a hero, helping to uncover a dark secret involving corporate malfeasance and environmental destruction. While Sheen was busy busting corporate baddies, NASA's Voyager 1, from 15 billion miles away, had a technical hiccup but was heroically brought back online. Simultaneously, NASA's lunar orbiter snapped pictures of a Chinese space probe on the moon's far side, proving that space drama isn't confined to Earth.

In the medical field, a family's unique genetic makeup has offered new clues for delaying Alzheimer's disease, while hypersexual 'zombie' cicadas infected with parasitic fungus are being eagerly collected by scientists for research. If that isn't bizarre enough, researchers have also discovered a new dinosaur species, Lokiceratops, in Montana.

The climate crisis, however, remains the most pressing issue. In West Virginia, the Senate race might redefine the limits of US climate ambitions. Meanwhile, Wyoming coal towns are pinning their economic hopes on renewable energy, and in Hawaii, youth activists have won an unprecedented climate settlement. The deadly heatwave sweeping across Mexico and the US has been made 35 times more likely by global heating, with record high temperatures hitting the US north-east as Texas grapples with a tropical storm.

As if the climate situation weren't dire enough, the South is scrambling to keep children safe as summer heat intensifies. California is launching carbon-capture projects to combat soaring CO₂ levels, while Marta Segura, Los Angeles' 'chilling' voice in an overheating city, and Adel Hagekhalil, Southern California's embattled 'water doctor,' are battling on the front lines of climate adaptation.

Oil prices are on the rise as tensions simmer between Israel and Lebanon, and OPEC is calling for increased fossil fuel investment, dismissing the notion of peak oil demand. Amid this, Trump is rallying Republicans against Biden's energy policies, sidestepping the massive climate law, while the Biden administration pulls back on tightened car and truck fuel standards. This tug-of-war has renewable energy stocks poised to benefit, according to UBS, while Argus predicts a surge in pipeline stocks due to rising natural gas prices and the coal phaseout.

In the tech world, scientists are leveraging technology to limit the spread of tropical diseases, with breakthroughs occurring even on the International Space Station. James Webb Telescope's advancements are revolutionizing technologies from virtual reality to LASIK eye surgery. However, research revealing that toxic PFAS 'forever chemicals' accumulate in human testes and elected officials in sweltering US states prioritizing fossil fuel cash over people highlight the ongoing health and environmental crises.

Amid all this turmoil, Europe is taking steps forward. New research shows that most of the world's largest marine protected areas are inadequately protected, prompting calls for action. California has a solution for the threats posed by deep-sea mining, and Alaska is facing challenges with climate change impacting its rusting rivers.

On a lighter note, the unlikely cooperation between Amazon and Starbucks in maintaining competitive pricing strategies showcases corporate adaptability in challenging times. Meanwhile, the rediscovery of explorer Shackleton's last ship on the ocean floor reminds us of humanity's enduring spirit of exploration and discovery.

In summary, as humans and animals alike navigate the complexities of a changing world, from conscious chimpanzees to cosmic explosions and climate battles, the narrative is one of resilience, adaptation, and the relentless pursuit of knowledge and survival. Whether through groundbreaking scientific discoveries, legal victories for climate activists, or the unwavering fight against environmental degradation, the story of our time is one of extraordinary challenges and extraordinary responses.

Speaking of environmental oddities, the weather in the UK is definitely not being manipulated, despite the best efforts of conspiracy theorists everywhere. Instead, we have the good old-fashioned heatwave to thank for the record-breaking temperatures. In fact, the US is experiencing a 'potentially historic' heatwave, threatening more than 130 million people and smashing records with abandon. It's so hot that even the palm and pine trees marking California's center are being cut down—not that they'll be missed in this scorcher of a summer.

Meanwhile, investors are salivating over attractive dividends from high-quality stocks, even as U.S. crude oil prices see-saw with the market's assessment of Tropical Storm Beryl's impact. Shell is taking a massive financial hit on its Rotterdam and Singapore plants, but hey, oil prices are rising again, signaling an uptick in demand. And just when you thought it couldn't get any weirder, scientists have unearthed a giant, fanged creature that predates the dinosaurs, alongside a remarkable new dinosaur species named Lokiceratops. Move over, T-Rex, there's a new king in town.

In the realm of the absurd, hypersexual 'zombie' cicadas infected with parasitic fungi are being collected by scientists. If that doesn't scream "nature's gone wild," what does? Meanwhile, NASA has managed to get Voyager 1 back online from 15 billion miles away, and the James Webb Telescope is enhancing technology from virtual reality to LASIK eye surgery. Oh, and did we mention that NASA's lunar orbiter captured images of a Chinese space probe on the far side of the moon? It's a small universe after all.

As if the planetary shenanigans weren't enough, the US is also grappling with extreme heatwaves, prompting President Biden to announce new heat rules as climate-related deaths rise. In a rare move, an Oregon county is seeking to hold fossil fuel companies accountable for extreme temperatures. At the same time, the White House is set to back tougher climate models for ethanol, while a federal judge blocks Biden’s pause on LNG export permits.

But wait, there's more! As heatwaves intensify, more public housing residents may get help with AC bills, and firefighters in border towns are scrambling to save migrants from the extreme summer heat. Amidst all this chaos, a beloved palm and pine tree marking California's center are being cut down, symbolizing the ongoing struggle against climate change.

And let's not forget the political theatre. Donald Trump claims to "know nothing" about Project 2025, while outrage brews over the Biden administration reinstating 'barbaric' Trump-era hunting rules. Meanwhile, a Democrat vying for West Virginia governor faces long odds against a Republican fossil fuel booster, and the Labour Party in the UK is trying to bring back Britain's green groove.

In the end, it seems we're all just bagged chickens in a world of sliced cheese, navigating the absurdities of existence one bizarre headline at a time. So, here's to the smelly planets, heroic rhinos, and the relentless march of human folly—may we never run out of stories that make us laugh, cry, and wonder what on Earth is going on.