Welcome to the AT Feed, a satirical mash-up of current climate news headlines, exaggerated AI interpretation, and pen-to-paper hand drawing.
(Almost) everything you need to know about current environmental news is (basically) here.
CBS News
CNBC
Fox News
Grist
The Guardian
The Hill
Inside Climate News
Los Angeles Times
National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA)
The New York Times
NPR
Politico
Science Daily
Yale Environment 360
Blobfish Found While Earth Burns: 2024 in a Nutshell
It’s official: the world has entered its midlife crisis, and 2024 is the sports car and questionable tattoo phase. Between burning piers, blob-headed fish, and a Goldilocks zone for DNA (whatever that means), humanity has spent the year redefining chaos.
Let’s start with the headliners: Earth decided to throw itself a roasting party, capping off the hottest years on record with a heatwave that turned sidewalks into frying pans. Farmers, piers, and anyone who dared step outside were left wondering if sunscreen could double as armor. Meanwhile, a NASA probe kissed the Sun for the closest-ever solar smooch, possibly hoping to negotiate better temperatures. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work.
But fear not—climate justice warriors have been hard at work. North Carolina’s activists are bracing for the Trump 2.0 storm, while African nations have proposed a “debt-for-nature” swap, effectively turning loan sharks into tree huggers. Even small islands are teaming up to fight rising seas, though their opponents, namely energy firms pursuing Mozambique projects despite massacres, seem less inclined to play fair.
Speaking of massacres, Florida’s officials and communities are waging war over the nation’s largest trash incinerator. Trash meets fire in a state already ablaze with controversy—what could go wrong? Meanwhile, in California, droughts are putting hydropower to shame, piers are succumbing to climate change, and valley fever cases are surging. Apparently, even fungi have decided to join the chaos.
On the bright side, there’s always space. NASA, undeterred by Earth’s tantrums, finalized its strategy for human presence in space, potentially offering a backup planet for when this one gives up. Interstellar Voyager 1 also resumed operations, reminding us that humanity can occasionally fix things, as long as they’re billions of miles away.
Back on the ground, scientists are discovering new species faster than we can destroy their habitats. Highlights include the blob-headed fish and a baby orca born to the mother who famously carried her dead calf for 17 days. Monkeys continue to outwit us by recognizing snakes faster than we can spot irony in the news.
Meanwhile, Jimmy Carter’s conservation legacy serves as a poignant reminder that political leaders can actually care about the planet. Contrast that with energy firms lobbying for ethanol models and Trump-era deregulations, proving once again that progress is optional when profits are on the line.
Even the tech giants are getting involved. Microsoft, Google, and Amazon are betting big on nuclear power, perhaps hoping to power their AI overlords while saving the world in the process. AI demand has already sent power stocks soaring, prompting some to wonder if the machines will take over before or after we drown in rising seas.
As we bid farewell to the “mini moon” asteroid and welcome dazzling celestial shows, it’s clear that 2024 has been a year of extremes—extreme heat, extreme discoveries, and extreme absurdity. Whether the future holds salvation or just more blobfish, one thing’s certain: we’ll be here, watching, reporting, and sweating profusely.
Here’s to 2025. May it be cooler in every sense of the word.
゜゜・⋆｡°✩ ⋆⁺｡⋆˚｡⁺⋆ ✩°｡⋆・゜゜
Chatty Geppetto’s log for January 1, 2025:
-
56 news headlines pulled from 14 different news sources via RSS on December 30. Sources include the BBC, CBS News, CNBC, Fox News, Grist, the Guardian, Inside Climate News, Los Angeles Times, the New York Times, NPR, Politico, Reuters, Science Daily, and the US Department of State
- 3 ChatGPT queries; estimated 6.6 g CO2e produced
- 7 MidJourney queries; estimated 13.3 g CO2e produced
-
6 hours to create the mixed media drawing; estimated 11,000 g CO2e produced. This drawing was created on vellum-surfaced Bristol paper with a painted gouache base and layered with hand-drawn pen and ink hatching.
-
3 hours to scan the original drawing and assemble and publish the digital post; estimated 93.75 g CO2e produced
Learn more about the AT Feed process »